I Never Want to Have an Abortion

Ever. Unless the world changes drastically.

I’m not pro-lifeanti-choice. I’m not the kind of person who ever wants to be a mother, nor the kind to become attached to a fetus. Statements about when fetuses grow fingernails and such don’t phase me. I don’t think it’s murder, or even any meaningful kind of killing, to have an abortion. I don’t have any problems with the process of abortion.

Yet I never want to have one. I don’t just mean that in the sense that I never want to get pregnant unexpectedly, which I think can be said of anyone unless they’re really keen on surprises. I mean it in the sense that if I did become pregnant, I would freak the hell out. I really, really want to say that were I to decide to have an abortion, the only thought involved in such a decision would be “What, I’m pregnant? Time to play Angry Landlord with an Eviction Notice with my uterus!”

But I don’t think it could ever be that easy, solely because of the climate that surrounds abortion.

If I had an abortion, I’d first have to find a doctor who would support me through it. I’d have to find a clinic for it.

I’d have to wade through a sea of angry anti-choicers, made only more angry by the fact that I’d probably be aborting a totally healthy non-rape baby.

And then, I’d have to go through this, a description of a sonogram. To be honest, I don’t think it would make me feel bad. What it would do is make me incredibly fucking angry.

Angry for all of the women who had to go through that who would be affected by it, like the one in that article. The ones who did find out that their child would have a horrible deformity, a child they had wanted. The ones who had been raped, who would have it described to them the exact consequences of that. The ones who maybe didn’t have either of that, but still aren’t as cool with the idea of abortion itself.

Why do anti-choicers have to go around pulling this kind of shit? Do they hear about people like me who are completely convinced they could have an abortion and feel nothing, and take it as a challenge? Do they really think it’s noble to force a woman who is already losing a child she wanted to know exactly what she’s losing, and then to blatantly lie to them? To force doctors, who have taken an oath to do the best they can for their patients, to do the exact opposite?

This is why I would never want to have an abortion. These people have made it their duty to make every abortion as tearful and horrible as it can possibly be. Abortion shouldn’t necessarily be a sad thing. The only time it should ever be is in the example linked, and only because the woman lost a child she had wanted. But there’s no reason for such awful negative stigma. When rape victims have abortions, it should be empowering. It should be their grand ‘Fuck You’ to their rapists, their way to say that they are ultimately the ones in control of their bodies. For people who need abortions because their birth control failed, or even those who never had any birth control at all for whatever reason, it should be a symbol of how far medicine and womens’ reproductive rights have come.

But instead it’s a procedure that women must undergo tearfully and reluctantly at any costs, and sometimes, only if they’ve been deemed worthy of it by people that hate them.

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