I, for one, will embrace this flood of Santorum.

Normally, news that a man who thinks that gay sex is equivalent to dog sex might actually end up the Republican nominee would have me frothing at the mouth. And yet, when I heard that Santorum oozed through the cracks in the Iowa caucuses, I didn’t feel rage. Instead, a bit of glee. First because of the torrent of Santorum jokes that flooded the internet as a result, and the sneaking suspicion that all of the Iowans got together and said “Hey guys, Santorum? Let’s make him number two, okay?” Moments later, though, I came to a realization.

I want Santorum to be the Republic nominee.

Everyone else is too normal*. I mean, I could actually see Gingrich getting elected. Same with Paul. I loathe to say it, but same with all of the other Republican candidates, really. As far as I can tell from my minimal political knowledge, people don’t seem to want to re-elect Obama unless they absolutely have to.

I would have to imagine that “Obama” or “Mr. Frothy Mixture” is one of the “absolutely have to” situations.

Seriously, we might go along with Santorum in a “well he hasn’t said anything too nuts today” way, but if he gets up again Obama…

I don’t even think the people* who agree with his views will be able to make someone with the name Santorum president. You certainly wouldn’t be able to listen to him speak while eating, at the very least.

Maybe I’m wrong about that. Maybe there are people who can actually go to the polls and say “yep, Santorum sounds great. That’s a name I can really get behind” without it being an innuendo. Maybe if he ended up the nominee he would actually be elected.

In which case we could all have a big laugh and just hope to dear sweet FSM that he doesn’t fuck things up to bad.

Which is the proper reaction to a Republican president anyways. Might as well slather some Santorum-y humor on that shitbiscuit while we’re at it.

*- loose definitions used

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