Monthly Archives: February 2012

Boobs 101, Lesson One

I’ve thought before that it might be nice being a professor at some point, teaching something technology related probably.

But sometimes, after viewing a lot of art on the internet, I really just want to teach a god damned “BOOBS 101” course, because to many artists they seem to be an enigma.

So I’m going to start a little series on boobs. Drawing boobs. Drawing boobs, and not making it seem like they’re some alien, unknowable thing. In infographic form

I’m starting with Lesson One, “Boobs Over Time”. Essentially, how to draw boobs on characters under 18. People can’t seem to get this.

The image, after the jump:

Read more of this post

Amazon Makes Me So Happy

It’s 5am, I woke up at midnight, and I’m bored as hell.

As a result, I’ve found a way to amuse myself.

 

For a while, I’ve wanted to bake an abortion cake. Not a cake made out of abortions- honestly that sounds kind of icky, and I don’t think I could actually round up enough abortions for that anyways. More a cake that basically just says “Wheee, abortion!” Because in my opinion the process of evicting a clump of freeloading cells from a uterus needs less stigma and more cake.

Anyways, as I sat bored out of my god-damned mind because there was nothing on the internet and My Little Pony wasn’t coming on for another few hours, my mind wandered. Wandered straight into abortion cake land.

So I began to plan for how I would go about making an abortion cake. One thing I knew for sure, it needed some of those babies you put in king cake. I had king cake once when I was in preschool, and being a really fucked up toddler I absolutely loved eating babies in a cake, so that memory has stuck in my mind and I’ve wanted to eat babies in a cake again ever since. Now I’ve got an excuse to make a cake with babies in it, so I pretty much can’t not.

It turns out though, king cake babies are hard to find. There don’t seem to be any in stores around me, at least not according to Google.

Amazon had a lot of little plastic babies though!

And as I scrolled through the list of items that came up when I searched for “Plastic Baby”…

 

Oh Amazon.

Finished Result of the Cover Contest

I think it turned out way better than my original sketch.

Anyways, it’s been submitted now, despite me being tempted to keep on editing it right up to 1:59 tonight. Time for hoping!

 

Also, as a side note. Drawing my generic Atheist as female? Was actually sort of weird. Like it was inaccurate since the book wasn’t specifically about women, and it wasn’t a drawing of Greta or something.

But I drew her female anyways because that’d be a stupid reason not to. Still strange though, in a kinda interesting way.

On Queerness and Choice

Earlier today I read a post by Natalie Reed on Cynthia Nixon declaring that she chose to be a lesbian.

My first reaction was to be pissed off.

I hadn’t yet watched the video Natalie had posted, but I figured that it wasn’t too important. What was important was that a celebrity had just handed the homophobes shiny new ammunition. I could hear it in my head already; The shouts of “well THIS woman says she could choose, so why can’t you?”  Or “here, I have PROOF that homosexuality is a choice!” and other assorted bile, all backed up with meticulously mined quotes. One more headache for us LGBT folks to deal with.

Yet in my anger and annoyance, there was a tinge of doubt. Natalie is an intelligent person and I have respect for her, and my viewpoint clashed with hers. As much as I wanted to cling adamantly to my view that queerness is not something that can be chosen, I felt obligated to turn a critical eye to my opinions. Just a little.

And so I did, and I watched the video that Natalie linked in her post, and I thought some more.

I thought a lot, actually.

I feel like I’m admitting some sort of defeat when I say this, but perhaps queerness can be a choice.

Perhaps choosing is a big part of queerness.

I want to explain why, but first I want to talk a little bit about the nature of choices.

I think my problem with saying that queerness is a choice is the connotation of the word. It sounds flippant- as if on any given morning you might choose to sleep in, choose to eat an apple, choose to be sexually attracted to women, choose to have a hazelnut cappuccino over french vanilla… et cetera.

But it’s not flippant, and there’s no reason for a choice to be considered flippant just because it’s a choice.

Imagine that you’re diagnosed with a terrible disease. There are two treatment options- one will improve your quality of life while drastically shortening your lifespan, the other will allow you to live longer, albeit uncomfortably. Let’s say that you choose the first option. Fast forward to being on your death bed. You’re probably depressed, mourning the things that you never got to do due to your shortened life.

Cue someone telling you that you have no place being sad. You chose to shorten your life. In fact, you should feel guilty, forcing your family to deal with your death so early.

In case it wasn’t obvious, that ‘someone’ is an asshole. They’re right that it was a choice, but it was a choice that was difficult as hell, and you didn’t exactly have that many options. The option you chose had negative sides, yes, but it looked like the best choice, and that choice should be respected. Queerness is the same way if we’re going to assume that it is a choice. You don’t make that choice lightly. You make it because despite all of the hate and all of the discrimination you will face, it makes you happy and it feels right.

And while I was thinking on queerness and choice today, I realized that this tied in a lot to how I found out I was gay.

I was around 11 or 12 when it first was starting realizing it, and it was not an easy process. I did not want to be gay. When I would watch porn and be far more interested in the women, when I would notice that a girl looked attractive to me, when I had no clue how to respond to girls talking about how hot a boy was because I didn’t know what I was supposed to be looking for… all of that bothered me. I tried to deny it, to ignore it. I would search for articles confirming that women can enjoy female-centric porn, or see that another woman is attractive, and still be straight. They were like catnip for me- I could point at them and say “yep, look at that! All of that stuff I do is still straight,” and have my short little bout of euphoria.

But like all short little bouts, that euphoria ended. As much as I could look up ‘proof’ that I was straight, it felt wrong. I tried a new method- I decided that I would be straight, but that I would also be an LGBT ally.

For a while that helped, but it still wasn’t true. Eventually, despite how much I didn’t want to do it, I had to admit to myself that I was a lesbian.

In a way, I suppose you can say that I chose that. First I chose to be straight, then I chose to be a straight ally, and finally, I chose to be a lesbian.

And that final choice made  me way happier than any of the others did.

On top of all of this, the accurate term for my sexuality is pansexual. I could choose to only ever date men my entire life, and even effectively choose to be heterosexual, but I wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be right. Lesbian and pansexual are the terms that fit me best. Now, I will certainly still say that I was born a lesbian/pansexual, or at the very least predisposed to be such. But if we’re talking about choice, then sure, I choose those orientations and terms- and I’ll be damned if someone’s going to tell me that I chose wrong.

 

One last note to think on. Due to my genetics, I have size 8 feet.

Any time I buy shoes, I’ll choose size 8.

If for some weird reason a religious cult were to declare my shoe size to be unholy, I would still choose that size. As much as I could choose a different size, it’d be really uncomfortable.

And if one of these cultists came up to me and attacked me over wearing the size that fit me the most accurately, because I could choose not to…

Well, that would be pretty fucking silly.

The Most Beautiful Cover

So Greta Christina is holding a contest for the cover design of her book!

Though my artistic ability tends more towards drawing pretty pictures than actual graphic design (At least going by what I perceive the difference to be), I figured I would give it a shot.

By “figured I would give it a shot”, I mean I instantly got all giddy at the prospect of designing a cover for her book. Greta is one of my favorite bloggers, and Atheists and Anger is one of my favorite posts. On top of that, there’s the slim chance I could actually win, which would be simultaneously awesome and really good experience to have should I ever start doing commission art, an idea that’s been floating around my head for a few months now and is currently firmly in the “yes, I will almost definitely maybe do that in the future when I have time” zone. So a chance to test out being an artist for money is kinda neat.

Anyways, all of that giddiness resulted in a ton of ideas for what would make a good cover, and I didn’t want to lose those ideas, so I figured I would sketch them out. However, I was in bed with my laptop, my sketch pad was way all the way down on the floor next to me, and my drawing tablet was by my desktop. The two and six feet respectively that I would have had to move to retrieve either of them was simply too much physical exertion, so I settled for the next best thing.

So here’s the, ah, rough draft of the cover design I decided on, a masterpiece forged by the pen tool on my art program and my laptop’s touchpad.

My favorite part is how it looks like a picture of a disgruntled nun with an owlkin preaching to little frog people behind her.

Which, sadly, is not the actual cover design.

I’ve started work on the actual cover design though! A lot of work is already done. I’ll probably post the finished result here too.

But I wanted to post that first.

***

EDIT: It’s pretty now!

Thoughts on Random Subjects

I’ve been busy lately!

So I don’t really have the time motivation to write up a full post. But in the time since I last made a post I’ve had various thoughts going around my head, so I’ll just list those here, because I like them.

  • The idea that women make poor drivers is baseless. The true award for shitty drivers goes to another demographic- People in cars and trucks larger than any person needs. Today I witnessed two trucks and an SUV doing what I believe was some kind of ugly-car courtship ritual, weaving in and out of the lanes freely together without a turn signal in sight. Beautiful.
  • There’s a racist in my Archery class! If you bring up any black person and mention government in the same context, she’ll call them a ‘Marxist’ and tell them to go back to Africa. I have yet to ask her whether or not she intends to go back to Europe.
  • You can rather accurately judge how uninformed and obtuse someone is on a subject by taking note of how many pseudo-intellectual rhetorical questions they preface their bullshit arguments with. The correlation is positive. And exponential.
  • It turns out I’m a man! Or something like that. I finally got to shooting a bow in Archery. I was instructed to grab a 25 pound bow unless I “felt like being a man today”. I ended up with a 30 pound, pulled that fine, and was met with “I’ll see if you can get a 25 pound bow”.  I wasn’t having any sort of difficulty with 30 pounds, but apparently the idea that I might not be a frail wimminfolk was mind boggling. I never ended up switching to a 25 pound, for the record.
  • I’m taking a programming course. My professor also teaches a computer literacy course. My professor does not know that “Windows Explorer” is the name of the file manager, and that “My Documents” is not a piece of software. I despair.

 

And that’s about all I can remember at the moment! I might do another one of these the next time I want to get a post up for the sake of my blog not becoming a ghost town, and I might make some posts expanding on these topics. Who knows!