Amazon Makes Me So Happy
February 18, 2012
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It’s 5am, I woke up at midnight, and I’m bored as hell.
As a result, I’ve found a way to amuse myself.
For a while, I’ve wanted to bake an abortion cake. Not a cake made out of abortions- honestly that sounds kind of icky, and I don’t think I could actually round up enough abortions for that anyways. More a cake that basically just says “Wheee, abortion!” Because in my opinion the process of evicting a clump of freeloading cells from a uterus needs less stigma and more cake.
Anyways, as I sat bored out of my god-damned mind because there was nothing on the internet and My Little Pony wasn’t coming on for another few hours, my mind wandered. Wandered straight into abortion cake land.
So I began to plan for how I would go about making an abortion cake. One thing I knew for sure, it needed some of those babies you put in king cake. I had king cake once when I was in preschool, and being a really fucked up toddler I absolutely loved eating babies in a cake, so that memory has stuck in my mind and I’ve wanted to eat babies in a cake again ever since. Now I’ve got an excuse to make a cake with babies in it, so I pretty much can’t not.
It turns out though, king cake babies are hard to find. There don’t seem to be any in stores around me, at least not according to Google.
Amazon had a lot of little plastic babies though!
And as I scrolled through the list of items that came up when I searched for “Plastic Baby”…