Category Archives: Feminism

A crochet pattern! Octagon Net Stockings (pattern trial run)

This post has nothing to do with Atheism or Feminism or slow descents into madness or any of my typical topics. Instead, it’s about crochet! However, I will still categorize it under Feminism because LOOK AT MY LEGS, SSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I made these socks. These very long, very rainbow-y socks. This is their pattern, for a test run of my pattern making abilities because I want to be able to sell crochet patterns through etsy, while simultaneously not getting angry emails about how non-understandable my patterns are.

Crocheted octagon-net topless stocking

RainbowLegs

Pattern notes:

  • These stockings are topless, meaning they have no elastic or cuff to hold them up, and require a sock garter/garter belt/clips/other imaginative sock-holding device to stay up.
  • the four sts at the ends of the toe cap should be the first st you crochet in one row in the round, the two “middle” sts you would crochet in one row in the round, and the last st you would crochet. “first and last” stitches will be right next to each other as will middle stitches.
  • The toes of these socks are angled to fit toes more  exactly, so don’t be surprised when your toe cap is angled and not totally flat as you work these rows.
  • An octagon row counts as 6 st up for arch padding, or two complete rows of ch 6, dc and ch 5, sc 3 joined together.
  • For feet smaller than a women’s 8/men’s 6, ch 6 can be changed to ch 5 or ch 4 for the arch netting
  • when you make the netting for the leg, I would only recommend doing the “loosen your chain” option if you are making these socks for yourself, so that you may test the width on your own legs.
  • All shoe sizes are US

Less common stitches:

dc2tog: yo, insert hook into st. yo, pull through. yo, insert into next st, yo, pull through. yo, pull through first 4 loops on hook, yo, pull through rest of the hoops.

Yarn: 80 grams/~400 yards sock weight yarn, any color, for socks that reach thigh-high.

Gauge: 13 rows, 14 stitches across of sc should be approximately 2″x2″, which can be achieved using sock weight yarn and a G hook. If you’re making these for yourself, you don’t have to worry about gauge so much as how well it works on your feet. Chains should be tight.

Size: Using the outlined gauge and default numbers (no modificiations) these socks will fit a women’s size 8/men’s size 6 foot slightly loosely, 15 inch calves snugly with plenty of stretching room, and go 22 inches up the leg to stretch around 24 inch thighs with a little room still to stretch.

Toe Cap:

1- Ch 15

2- sc in the “top” of ch closest to the hook, sc across (15st)

3- turn piece upsidedown,  and repeat row 2 in the “bottom” of the ch 15, to begin forming the toe cap – (30st)

4, 5- begin crocheting in the round. inc in the two st at each end of the toe cap (4 inc total, first and last and middle stitches). repeat once around for row 5 (38st)

6 – 13- inc in the two st at one end of the toe cap (2 inc total, just first and last OR middle sts. Use different sts for each sock- if one sock is first and last, the other should be middle sts). Repeat 7 more times (54 st) This should make a toe cap wide enough for a women’s size 8/men’s size 6 foot. For a smaller or larger foot, you can add or remove repeats. For your own foot, repeat  this row until the toe cap is as wide as the width of your toes.

14 – 21- sc around for 8 rows. You can also increase or reduce this number as you feel necessary. (54st)

Arch padding and netting:

22-24 sc for 27, or half of your st count at the end of the last row if you altered the increase number. turn. repeat two more times for three rows of 27 up in total. Do not turn at the end of the last row (27)

25- ch 6, skip 3 on the sts “below” the rows of 3 and dc. repeat 5 times or until you’re 3 st from the end of the “below” row.  ch 6 and sc onto the near end of the 3 rows of 27. This should give you a total of 7 little “bumps” if you started with 54st in your toe cap (the default)

26-28- repeat rows 22-24 for another 3 rows of 27

29- ch 2, sc onto the 3rd ch of the closest ch 6. Sc for 3. ch 5, and sc onto the 3rd chain of the next ch 6. Sc for 3 again. Repeat the pattern of ch 5, sc 3 until the end of the row of ch 6. ch 2, sc onto the near end of the 3 rows of ch 27.

30-45- repeat rows 22- 29. for row 25, dc onto the middle of the ch 5 of the row below.  You should have the same number of bumps as in the first row 25. Repeat two more times (3 octagon rows total) for a sock that will fit a women’s size 8/men’s size 6 foot. For smaller feet, do not decrease the amount of octagon rows but decrease the ch 6 to a ch 5 or ch 4. For feet larger than size 9/7, begin adding more octagon rows. A good formula to go by would be one octagon row for every two sizes above 8/6

Be sure to end the rows with a ch5/sc 3 row, not a ch 6/dc row.

Heel:

46-57- for a sock with a 27 st padding, sc across for 26, turn, leaving the last sc unworked. Repeat this pattern (sc across one less than the row, leave last sc unworked, turn) 11 more times or until 15 st remain on top (12 total times) (15)

58- sc across, sc2tog the space under the st and the next st down. sl st to the bottom of the st to smooth the edge. Turn. Repeat this pattern of “picking up” sts until the whole heel is picked back up and you have the number of sts “active” that you started with at row 46

Netting:

59- turn, ch8. Skip 2, dc2tog. *ch6, dc2tog.* Repeat the pattern between *’s until you are 9 to 12 st from the end of the heel.  If you started with 27 st, make the last dc2tog a regular dc. Otherwise:

If you have 12 st to go until the end, do three more skip 2, dc2tog as normal

if you have 11 st, change the last (of three) skip 2, dc2togs into a skip2, dc

if you have 10 st, change the last two (of three) skip 2, dc2togs into a skip2, dc

if you have 9 st, change all three skip 2, dc2togs into skip2, dcs

This way you should end the heel with the last st at the end of the heel.

ch 4, dc onto the top of the nearest ch 5 from the arch pad/netting rows. Repeat this pattern, making the ch 4 a ch 6 until you dc onto the last ch 5. ch 4, sl st onto the second ch of the ch 8. bind off.

leg:

60- slst onto the second ch of the middle-most ch6/dc on the back of the heel.* sc 3, ch5. sc onto the second ch of the next ch 6. Repeat from the * around until you meet back up with the first sc 3 you made.  sc 3 across.  sl st into the middle of the nearest ch 5. ch 8. ^dc onto the middle of the next ch 5. ch6. repeat from the ^ around until you meet with the initial ch8, and slst onto the second ch of the ch 8. sc 2 up onto the ch8, turn, ch 5, and join to second ch of the next ch 6. Continue on with the pattern after the *.

61-64- continue on with the pattern established in row 60.

65-71- continue on with the netting pattern, increasing the amount of each ch by 1 (i.e. dc, ch6  becomes dc, ch7). Alternately, loosen your ch 6/ch5 sts to allow for greater width

72-77 continue on with the netting pattern, increasing the amount of each ch by 1 again (ch 7 now ch 8, etc) and increasing the sc 3 to sc 4. Alternately, loosen your ch6/ch5 st more.

Faith in Humanity: Restored

By this.(WARNING, AWFUL COMMENTS)

This is, no hyperbole, one of the best things I’ve ever read. I legitimately cannot think of anything so thoroughly saturated with wonderfulness that I have ever read, at least not recently.

I actually have nothing to add. There’s nothing he forgot to mention. There’s nothing he said that he said wrong. There’s no little quibbles over minor things. Nothing. It is <i<perfect. And on top of the wonderfulness of this article, the fact that what this article actual is is a call to action? That is a giant goddamned cherry on top. 

Since it is impossible for me to debate this article at all, I am just going to go through this article, chronologically, and note everything that makes me want to vomit kittens and rainbows.

  1. The article uses non-heteronormative language when the subject is not even about LGBT issues.
  2. The acknowledgement of enabling behavior leaving you open to blame.
  3. The acknowledgement of men having a special importance in feminism due to their ability to get through to men who ignore female voices.
  4. How the article makes it explicitly clear, italic-fucking-text and all, that these issues are not debatable political or academic issues, and that we do not need to open ourselves to debate over them. I seriously do not have words for how refreshing and fantastic it is to read this as opposed to say it.
  5. The shooting down of the usage of the phrase “Political Correctness”, and a remarkably accurate translation of what it means
  6. The mention of claims of misandry. Everything about what he says about them is true, but I just fucking love the last part. Seriously- if you want women to stop hating men, stop giving them reason to.

And those are just the things that stuck out.

A Message to Team Assholes.

So.

in your attempts to destroy Atheism+, Feminism, and the divisiveness of the basic logic that says “women are people”, you have “succeeded” in getting Jen McCreight take a break. Congratulations.

I put “succeeded” in scare quotes because you have essentially done nothing.

Some would use the phrase, “You’ve won the battle, but not the war.” I wouldn’t even go that far. I wouldn’t even say that you’ve won a damned fistfight.

You are, and have been, losing. You’re losing spectacularly. Every time you become angry that a woman doesn’t want to be propositioned in an elevator, every time you harass and sexualize a girl for the crime of posting a picture of herself, every time you insist that women are hypersensitive harpies that lie about harassment, every time you discuss whether or not it’s okay to rape someone if you have a reason for it, every time you become vitriolically upset at the idea that marginalized people want to organize a safe space, every time you graphically harass a blogger so much that she takes an indefinite break from blogging, you lose a little more.

Every time you show your true colors, someone new sees you for who you are. Someone who previously didn’t see a problem now sees it thrust right into their face. Someone who didn’t see a reason to act is mobilized into action. Someone who was afraid to speak up becomes angry and vocal about their opinions. Someone who already did all that they thought was possible is empowered to do more.

Every time you play your hateful game, someone new joins our team.

It is too late for you to win. You will only become less redeemable from here on out. You are past the event horizon, and there is no turning back. We are organized, we are angry, and every time you attempt to fight us we become angrier and we become stronger.

You attempted to disarm us by stealing our grenade, and left us with the pin. You advanced further onto our territory, and stepped into our minefield. You have, in your attempt to defeat us, defeated yourself just a little bit more.

So congratulations on that little “success”.

We just can’t handle the truth

So, A+

It’s a pretty great thing, I think. I like it so far.

In short, it’s a place where like minded pro-social-justice atheists can talk about social justice. This, of course, is the most heinous thing conceived since Klara and Alois Hitler decided to get it on in 1888.

But there are those brave freedom fighters, boldly entering into enemy territory to let everyone know how many issues they have with our criminal usage of words and letters and mathematical operators and SOMETIMES, all of those things together at once. Needless to say, they forgo the parts of the forum meant for such discussions and launch themselves ass-first into the place dedicated to serious discussion by those who are beyond “but what about the name”. Then they, the poor, brave souls, face a vicious onslaught of being told that they’re posting in the wrong forum, sometimes even with the harsh censorship of having a thread locked and redirected to the proper area. At the worst. It is at this point that they cry out the same thing, albeit with minor variations from person to person:

“Ha, I KNEW it! You don’t truly value skepticism, and you freely censor anyone who dares to disagree with you! You just can’t handle the PURE and RAW TRUTH that I, in my greatness, have bestowed upon you, as it differs with your own views!”

I have a young niece. About 6 months old. Every now and then she and her family visits.

The last time she was here she began crying. This was no ordinary cry. With no warning nor any provocation, she began to cry a cry that I only ever expected to hear from a human child if it was in the process of being fed through a meat grinder. It was so terrible that I zoned out a little, and despite my staunch Atheism I began to see potential logic behind the idea that suffering can lead to enlightenment, because for a moment I ascended into a Zen-like state of mind, if only to detach myself from the body currently being savaged by the hellish noise. Just, you know, to give you a good image of how horribly fucking annoying the crying was. Now, was this because within the raucous banshee shriek being emitted by my niece there was encoded a set of truths so pure, so unknowable, and yet so horribly at odds with my own beliefs that it drove me into madness?

Well, ah, I’ll put my money on no.

If instead of reading their posts on a forum I was listening to these self-absorbed idiots in person as they shouted out their bile, I’ve got this really funny feeling that they might sound like babies being fed through a meatgrinder.

Archery and Amazons

So there’s this myth I’ve heard, about how Amazon women supposedly cut off their right breast in order to shoot better, because it got in the way or something.

Upon first hearing this, I dismissed it as millenia-old misogyny, of the “women can’t naturally do things men do.”

Now, I’m not about to say I’ve stopped dismissing it as misogyny. It still is. But my view became more nuanced once I became an archer myself.

For lack of a better way to describe why, I drew out a, um, diagram of a particular issue faced by me and other female archers;

Bow string drawn across chest + jutting boobs = nipple bruise a la bowstring

So really, wrong boob. Unless all Amazons were left handed.

I really want to draw what a nipplebruise looks like when kindly donated by a bowstring, but I’m nicer than that and I’m not sure that wordpress would be keen on me doing that.  Just picture a breast, and superimpose a 4-inch-by-2-inch bruise that really looks less ‘bruise’ and more ‘purple skin and fucked up red splotches that make it look like you’re bleeding under the skin’.

Fun!

You know, they make guards for your arm for this kind of thing. They make special gloves for your fingers so that you don’t hurt them holding the string. I’ve even heard of people with face guards because they can’t stop slapping themselves when releasing the string.

But should you be so lucky as to find a guard for the chest, it’ll be made (primarily) for men. To, um, hold back clothing. And they’re flat. Which really works well on something curved. Like boobs.

FUN FACT: I hit myself in the boob almost every shot I took while practicing yesterday. This is a few dozen times. It’s like having someone poking a bruise repeatedly, except actually they punch it with all of the force and hatred inside of them.

BEHOLD, THE CUTERUS.

Little crocheted uterus, plus the most adorable kitty face.

With equally cute things;

Cuterus with My Little Pony friends.

Note the sparkles. Not the Twilight Sparkles, the glittery type.

This is where it has lived since I made it. It’s nice having a cat-faced uterus stare you down while you’re on the computer, really.

I was going to send it to a male representative in order to sway him to not be an idiot,  But sweet evil Jesus it’s too cute.

And so it is all mine.

Steve Irwin, privileged asshole hunter.

This is either the worst thing I’ve ever made, or my magnum opus.

Read more of this post

a PSA

TRIGGER WARNING: The word ‘stupid’, the word ‘misogynist’, naughty bad words, words, punctuation, images, colors, lines, fluffy hampster creatures, people, shirts, monitors, keyboards, tables, chairs, viking paraphernalia, trigger warnings.

Right. So. I made a thing to address a, um, pressing issue.
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Abortion Cake

Two warnings: This post is image heavy as hell; if you have a slow connection, be warned.

Second, it treats the topic of abortion with a lot of levity, so if you’re particularly sensitive about such things this might not be a good post to read. I felt it needed a bit of a trigger warning.

*** Read more of this post

“Political Correctness”

It’s 3am, Jon Stewart is failing to lull me to sleep, and it’s not like there are better things for me to be doing!

Time for a post I’ve thought about and put off for a few forevers now.

Political correctness!

You know, the bane of those brave souls who dare to say the bigoted shit that we all think, who believe that you can laugh at anything, who challenge the status quo of… people attempting to challenge a fucked up status quo.

Such heroes. In fact, lets just have a moment of silence to honor their bravery.

Right, so. Political correctness. That moment of silence? So long as you didn’t think anything whatsoever, you were being politically correct. At least that’s what those champions of reason have been saying. You just can’t say anything that doesn’t offend someone, am I right?

SPOILER ALERT: No.

But that’s how those, ah, champions of reason see it. They can hardly speak, with everything they say being deemed as offensive by those oversensitive liberals spouting nonsense about “political correctness.”

Oh, woops, got that mixed up. It’s actually entitled assholes spouting nonsense about “political correctness.”

to lose the whole “bigoted assholes function on logic” pretense, surely I’m not the only one who’s noticed that I’ve only ever heard that phrase used seriously in the context of someone explaining how they’re oppressed by people calling them assholes.

That’s not even hyperbolic. I literally cannot recall a time when someone has said, without an ounce of mockery or sarcasm in their voice, “Oh, you can’t say that, it’s not politically correct.”

And I would dare to gamble that nobody who actually believes in equality has ever used political correctness as a legitimate reason not to be hateful against people.

This is for the same reason that, when a sane person is asked why they don’t rape and murder people, they tend not to just shrug and mumble something about politics.

Because it’s not politics. Racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia… the list goes on. Those aren’t political issues. Engaging in those behaviors doesn’t make you politically incorrect.

It makes you morally incorrect. Please, please say I don’t need to explain the difference.

There is no politics about it. Hell, politics is rife with bigotry. If anything, being a bigoted asshat actually does make you politically correct.

When I tell you that it’s wrong to say something, I’m not playing politics. I don’t make up things like “it’s offensive to call trans people trannies” or “you shouldn’t refer to women as bitches” or “Seriously, stop trying to insist that you shouldn’t get flac for using racial slurs just because the victims of those slurs reclaimed them” just for the amusement of watching you play some sort of politically-acceptable-speech-twister or something. On top of the fact that I don’t make such things up in the first place, it’s simply not for some arbitrarily determined restrictions I want to place on you.

It’s because there are actual good reasons to observe such restrictions. It’s because actual people are hurt in actual ways when you don’t. If you don’t observe them, that doesn’t make you politically incorrect- it just makes you a bad person.

But you know, that’s fine (not really). But at least admit it. Don’t try to take some superficial high ground, claiming to just be politically incorrect as if you’re some sort of weird, hateful martyr. Own up to being terrible and not caring. Don’t try to fool yourself and others into thinking you’re not- if you did actually care, anyways, you wouldn’t be defending being an asshole in the first place.

Really. When you want to claim that everyone thinks bigoted things (they don’t), when you want to say that you can joke about everything (without explaining why, with such an extensive sense of humor, you still resort to the cheapest forms of humor), when you get mad over the fact that your position of power is being challenged so that you might have to assume a position of slightly less but still dominant power, at the very least top that off with “and I’m not afraid to say that, because I have come to terms with being an awful person.” You don’t have to martyr yourself.

Right, so, I think that was everything I meant to accomplish with this post. It’s 4:30 now.

I’m not feeling as successful as I should. Sorta seems like this whole post is just a big jumble of random hatred and sarcasm and some third thing messily forged together. It kinda feels like I saw it off in the distance, glimmering with potential wit and insight, and committed myself to bringing it to you. And then somewhere in between deciding I wanted it and actually retrieving it I guess I got a bit clumsy and I just ended up dropping this mangled, bloody, mostly dead thing at your doorstep and now it’s there for you to deal with.

It’s a gift. Love it.

I probably should have just proofread instead of typing that.

But oh, month old episodes of The Daily Show and sleepy time beckon.