Category Archives: LGBT

I’m not a homophobe, but…

You know, the thing about this phrase is, you’re not fooling anyone who would be hurt by homophobia.

All you’re doing is setting yourself up for a big damn circlejerk with your fellow homophobes about how you’re all not homophobes.

The homo listening to you is just thinking that you’re a homophobe.

Same goes for all -phobes and -ists.

EDIT: Also, “No offense, but…”

EDIT #2: “I’m not an MRA, but…”


Steve Irwin, privileged asshole hunter.

This is either the worst thing I’ve ever made, or my magnum opus.

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TRIGGER WARNING: The word ‘stupid’, the word ‘misogynist’, naughty bad words, words, punctuation, images, colors, lines, fluffy hampster creatures, people, shirts, monitors, keyboards, tables, chairs, viking paraphernalia, trigger warnings.

Right. So. I made a thing to address a, um, pressing issue.
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Conversations rarely go as you would want them to

I was watching food network earlier.

For the uninitiated, food network is filled to the goddamned brim with gay people. Show hosts, major stars, competitors on shows… quite frankly, it’s fantastic. It’s like a glimpse into this magical post-gay world where you can be as gay as you want and hey, who cares because you are in fucking gay mecca. Learning to cook for your partner? More power to you. Competing on a show to get an up in life after being kicked out of your house because you’re gay? Good for you.

This along with the lack of typical TV sexism makes Food Network my favorite goddamned channel. No matter what shit is on the other channels, I always know that if I’m on Food Network, the most viscerally disturbing thing I might see is some dude sauteing a brain. Which, honestly, you get used to. Not so with bigotry.

Sadly, this magical land where everyone frolics through gay paradise munching on duck testicles and salmon flavored ice cream is thoroughly shattered should I make the mistake of watching said magical land with… basically anyone.


Because straight assholes find the gay people on food network REALLY GODDAMN FUNNY.

And of course, they like to be vocal about it. Really vocal. They also like to give their takes on the lives of gay people while unknowingly sitting across from a gay person. So ironic! In that aneurysm kind of way.

To highlight what I mean, here’s a conversation I just had, after Anne Burrell mentioned that a competitor on her show impressed her because he was an openly gay chef in the South.

What was said:

“Why do we care if he’s gay in the South?” “Why don’t they ever say ‘Openly gay chef in the North’ !?” “Did he just have nothing else special about him?”

What I said:

“Anne Burrell is gay, so she understands and respects the danger he puts himself into by being openly gay in a non-gay-friendly area.”

What I wanted to say:


The reply, after insisting I prove that Anne Burrell was gay:

“Why is it so hard for him to be gay in the south though? Are people just going ‘oh ew a gay guy made my food!?”

What I said:

“The South particularly tends to be a backwards, overly religious and dangerous place to be gay,  so he’s putting himself in danger by being out”

What I wanted to say:

A young lesbian couple was shot in the head execution-style in Corpus Christi a few weeks ago. Just saying.”

The reply:

“Well it’s just so weird how many gay people are on Food Network! There’s a ton of them!”

What I said:

“Probably because so many of the stars are openly gay, and they feel comfortable being out whereas they cover themselves up otherwise.”

What I wanted to say:

“Probably because of how many chefs start out working in kitchens because they’re homeless, and a lot of people are homeless because they’re gay. Also, it’s a welcoming environment.”

The conversation continued:

“What is with gay guys’ voices? Are their voices like that because they’re gay or are they gay because their voices are like that?”

What I said:

“There are gay guys without ‘gay’ lisps and straight guys with them. You just notice the former more and you insist the latter are really gay.”

What I wanted to say:

“Fuck you and your homophobic-ass question.”

The reply:

“There are not straight people with gay lisps!”

What I said:

“There are, you just don’t believe them.”

What I wanted to say:

“No really fuck you.”

A little later:

(mocking the gay competitor, who has a shaved head) “Also I’m going to die of cancer. Or AIDS. Get it? AIDS. AIDS. It’s a joke. Come on. Laugh. It’s funny. I’m making a joke about ass sex. It’s funny.” (Yes, the ‘conversation’ was really like that’)

What I said:

Nothing. I stared silently at the TV until the barrage of “come on it’s a funny joke laugh” ended. Then I just said “No.”

What I wanted to say:


What I wanted to say more eloquently:

“All gay men don’t have anal sex, and for those who do the risk of AIDS is the same as if they were in a straight relationship having unprotected anal sex at the same rate. Also, fuck you.”

And this was where the conversation ended, because everyone had gone off to do other things and I was pissed off and left to write this blog post.

Some day, I’m going to come out to them. I decided a long time ago that this will not be until I’m entirely financially independent of them. I’m going to let them know that. And I will wait for them to ask why I didn’t trust them earlier.

And while they feel hurt and confused that their lesbian daughter didn’t feel she could trust them with something like that, I’m going to be laughing on the inside. And then I’ll tell them “because you guys are homophobic pieces of shit.”

And I will love their anguish. Poor them.

(Also I will wonder why they did not see it coming, I mean really)

“Political Correctness”

It’s 3am, Jon Stewart is failing to lull me to sleep, and it’s not like there are better things for me to be doing!

Time for a post I’ve thought about and put off for a few forevers now.

Political correctness!

You know, the bane of those brave souls who dare to say the bigoted shit that we all think, who believe that you can laugh at anything, who challenge the status quo of… people attempting to challenge a fucked up status quo.

Such heroes. In fact, lets just have a moment of silence to honor their bravery.

Right, so. Political correctness. That moment of silence? So long as you didn’t think anything whatsoever, you were being politically correct. At least that’s what those champions of reason have been saying. You just can’t say anything that doesn’t offend someone, am I right?


But that’s how those, ah, champions of reason see it. They can hardly speak, with everything they say being deemed as offensive by those oversensitive liberals spouting nonsense about “political correctness.”

Oh, woops, got that mixed up. It’s actually entitled assholes spouting nonsense about “political correctness.”

to lose the whole “bigoted assholes function on logic” pretense, surely I’m not the only one who’s noticed that I’ve only ever heard that phrase used seriously in the context of someone explaining how they’re oppressed by people calling them assholes.

That’s not even hyperbolic. I literally cannot recall a time when someone has said, without an ounce of mockery or sarcasm in their voice, “Oh, you can’t say that, it’s not politically correct.”

And I would dare to gamble that nobody who actually believes in equality has ever used political correctness as a legitimate reason not to be hateful against people.

This is for the same reason that, when a sane person is asked why they don’t rape and murder people, they tend not to just shrug and mumble something about politics.

Because it’s not politics. Racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia… the list goes on. Those aren’t political issues. Engaging in those behaviors doesn’t make you politically incorrect.

It makes you morally incorrect. Please, please say I don’t need to explain the difference.

There is no politics about it. Hell, politics is rife with bigotry. If anything, being a bigoted asshat actually does make you politically correct.

When I tell you that it’s wrong to say something, I’m not playing politics. I don’t make up things like “it’s offensive to call trans people trannies” or “you shouldn’t refer to women as bitches” or “Seriously, stop trying to insist that you shouldn’t get flac for using racial slurs just because the victims of those slurs reclaimed them” just for the amusement of watching you play some sort of politically-acceptable-speech-twister or something. On top of the fact that I don’t make such things up in the first place, it’s simply not for some arbitrarily determined restrictions I want to place on you.

It’s because there are actual good reasons to observe such restrictions. It’s because actual people are hurt in actual ways when you don’t. If you don’t observe them, that doesn’t make you politically incorrect- it just makes you a bad person.

But you know, that’s fine (not really). But at least admit it. Don’t try to take some superficial high ground, claiming to just be politically incorrect as if you’re some sort of weird, hateful martyr. Own up to being terrible and not caring. Don’t try to fool yourself and others into thinking you’re not- if you did actually care, anyways, you wouldn’t be defending being an asshole in the first place.

Really. When you want to claim that everyone thinks bigoted things (they don’t), when you want to say that you can joke about everything (without explaining why, with such an extensive sense of humor, you still resort to the cheapest forms of humor), when you get mad over the fact that your position of power is being challenged so that you might have to assume a position of slightly less but still dominant power, at the very least top that off with “and I’m not afraid to say that, because I have come to terms with being an awful person.” You don’t have to martyr yourself.

Right, so, I think that was everything I meant to accomplish with this post. It’s 4:30 now.

I’m not feeling as successful as I should. Sorta seems like this whole post is just a big jumble of random hatred and sarcasm and some third thing messily forged together. It kinda feels like I saw it off in the distance, glimmering with potential wit and insight, and committed myself to bringing it to you. And then somewhere in between deciding I wanted it and actually retrieving it I guess I got a bit clumsy and I just ended up dropping this mangled, bloody, mostly dead thing at your doorstep and now it’s there for you to deal with.

It’s a gift. Love it.

I probably should have just proofread instead of typing that.

But oh, month old episodes of The Daily Show and sleepy time beckon.


Is how long I’ve been on my period. Still going strong.

Seriously, four days ago and we’d be half done with a biblical flood.

some build a fucking ark, because if this goes on any longer I’ll start killing cute animals.

Maybe drowning them.

I can’t wait until I go to my doctor’s appointment tomorrow! I can’t remember if the sheet asks the length of an average period or the length of your last period, but it’ll be DAMNED FUN writing a double-fucking-digit number in that space.

I don’t even know what I’ll put down for what I came in for. “I’ve had my period for over three weeks” just doesn’t have much of a ring to it. Needs more capslocked “FUCKING”s.

Maybe I should bring a rake, so I have something to fuck my doctor with if he suggests that this is normal.

Then I could tell him that the bleeding is normal. I mean, that’s just your body’s natural reaction when someone FUCKS YOU WITH A RAKE.


TL;DR: My uterus tried to give birth to itself for a few hours today despite the fact that I gave up allergy medicine for midol, and women’s health care is a fucking joke.

EDIT- BONUS AWFULNESS: When I’m actually at the doctor I get to decide between answering the “what’s your sexual orientation” accurately and dealing with the stress that comes with outing myself to someone whom I don’t trust to keep such things confidential, and putting myself down as ‘straight’ like usual and hating myself as a result.

I bet the decision will involve checking boxes and then crossing them out and then rechecking them multiple times. Again.

The rage train has no breaks today.

Or sympathy.


If hell was a thing, I’d want the first guy who told a woman that being more or less disabled because of a shoddy reproductive system was a ‘blessing’ to be burning there.

Actually, everyone who says that.


Man, this is the most blindly hateful post I’ve ever made. I don’t think it even has a concise theme past “I hate everything  to do with being female.”

Except boobs.


EDIT #2- Okay my doctor got away with calling it normal.

Despite how stuff like this is listed under “contact your doctor immediately” on my pill’s side effects.

Of course, he did explain that there was a way to stop it.

Which would have been nice to hear, I dunno, when I started the pills.

But no.

“Oh right that happens and is apparently common, I just decided to not tell you what to do if it does so you could spend a month BLEEDING ENDLESSLY”

Get on birth control to be able to live without being out of commission for a week every month…

Get a ‘perfectly normal’ side effect that does the opposite of that.

Time to pine for a hysterectomy.

On Queerness and Choice

Earlier today I read a post by Natalie Reed on Cynthia Nixon declaring that she chose to be a lesbian.

My first reaction was to be pissed off.

I hadn’t yet watched the video Natalie had posted, but I figured that it wasn’t too important. What was important was that a celebrity had just handed the homophobes shiny new ammunition. I could hear it in my head already; The shouts of “well THIS woman says she could choose, so why can’t you?”  Or “here, I have PROOF that homosexuality is a choice!” and other assorted bile, all backed up with meticulously mined quotes. One more headache for us LGBT folks to deal with.

Yet in my anger and annoyance, there was a tinge of doubt. Natalie is an intelligent person and I have respect for her, and my viewpoint clashed with hers. As much as I wanted to cling adamantly to my view that queerness is not something that can be chosen, I felt obligated to turn a critical eye to my opinions. Just a little.

And so I did, and I watched the video that Natalie linked in her post, and I thought some more.

I thought a lot, actually.

I feel like I’m admitting some sort of defeat when I say this, but perhaps queerness can be a choice.

Perhaps choosing is a big part of queerness.

I want to explain why, but first I want to talk a little bit about the nature of choices.

I think my problem with saying that queerness is a choice is the connotation of the word. It sounds flippant- as if on any given morning you might choose to sleep in, choose to eat an apple, choose to be sexually attracted to women, choose to have a hazelnut cappuccino over french vanilla… et cetera.

But it’s not flippant, and there’s no reason for a choice to be considered flippant just because it’s a choice.

Imagine that you’re diagnosed with a terrible disease. There are two treatment options- one will improve your quality of life while drastically shortening your lifespan, the other will allow you to live longer, albeit uncomfortably. Let’s say that you choose the first option. Fast forward to being on your death bed. You’re probably depressed, mourning the things that you never got to do due to your shortened life.

Cue someone telling you that you have no place being sad. You chose to shorten your life. In fact, you should feel guilty, forcing your family to deal with your death so early.

In case it wasn’t obvious, that ‘someone’ is an asshole. They’re right that it was a choice, but it was a choice that was difficult as hell, and you didn’t exactly have that many options. The option you chose had negative sides, yes, but it looked like the best choice, and that choice should be respected. Queerness is the same way if we’re going to assume that it is a choice. You don’t make that choice lightly. You make it because despite all of the hate and all of the discrimination you will face, it makes you happy and it feels right.

And while I was thinking on queerness and choice today, I realized that this tied in a lot to how I found out I was gay.

I was around 11 or 12 when it first was starting realizing it, and it was not an easy process. I did not want to be gay. When I would watch porn and be far more interested in the women, when I would notice that a girl looked attractive to me, when I had no clue how to respond to girls talking about how hot a boy was because I didn’t know what I was supposed to be looking for… all of that bothered me. I tried to deny it, to ignore it. I would search for articles confirming that women can enjoy female-centric porn, or see that another woman is attractive, and still be straight. They were like catnip for me- I could point at them and say “yep, look at that! All of that stuff I do is still straight,” and have my short little bout of euphoria.

But like all short little bouts, that euphoria ended. As much as I could look up ‘proof’ that I was straight, it felt wrong. I tried a new method- I decided that I would be straight, but that I would also be an LGBT ally.

For a while that helped, but it still wasn’t true. Eventually, despite how much I didn’t want to do it, I had to admit to myself that I was a lesbian.

In a way, I suppose you can say that I chose that. First I chose to be straight, then I chose to be a straight ally, and finally, I chose to be a lesbian.

And that final choice made  me way happier than any of the others did.

On top of all of this, the accurate term for my sexuality is pansexual. I could choose to only ever date men my entire life, and even effectively choose to be heterosexual, but I wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be right. Lesbian and pansexual are the terms that fit me best. Now, I will certainly still say that I was born a lesbian/pansexual, or at the very least predisposed to be such. But if we’re talking about choice, then sure, I choose those orientations and terms- and I’ll be damned if someone’s going to tell me that I chose wrong.


One last note to think on. Due to my genetics, I have size 8 feet.

Any time I buy shoes, I’ll choose size 8.

If for some weird reason a religious cult were to declare my shoe size to be unholy, I would still choose that size. As much as I could choose a different size, it’d be really uncomfortable.

And if one of these cultists came up to me and attacked me over wearing the size that fit me the most accurately, because I could choose not to…

Well, that would be pretty fucking silly.

Let Me Tell You About Homestuck

So there’s this website, MS paint adventures.

On it, a story called Homestuck.

I would call it a webcomic, but that name doesn’t quite do it justice considering it’s more just a category of its own. I’ve heard it called a web-epic before, and that term fits well.

Now I’m not about to go telling people to read it. You should read it, that’s for sure, but in order to read it all fully and get caught up on the plot you need about one full week with nothing to do, or maybe a few months if you’re a normal human being, so I can’t really advocate it. Nor will I bother going over the plot at all here, because that’s a whole blog post worth of information.

But there’s something that I want to mention about it.

It’s a story that revolves around a plethora of characters, which is a bit of an understatement.

Some of these characters are of an alien race for whom gender doesn’t factor into reproduction, and as a result they don’t have a concept of heterosexuality. It makes for a nice nod to the stupidity of the idea that heterosexuality is the default, but it’s not too impressive.

But now we have a new human character, and he’s gay.

And honestly, that’s about it.

He just is gay.

He’s not flamboyant.


A child molester.

A bizarre sexual deviant.

Anything like that. He’s not a token either; the fact that he’s gay is brought up mostly in passing, and carried into conversation about as casually as someone might mention the weather. He has a crush on another character (who may or may not be gay), and it’s not portrayed as creepy. He has a female friend who is aware that he’s gay, and she’s not a “fag hag” or something stupid like that.

And I have to say that it’s just wonderful. The writer is, to my knowledge, entirely heterosexual. He isn’t a fighter for gay rights or anything, and as such he isn’t doing this as an attempt at shoehorning LGBT acceptance into media. He’s just writing a gay character.

It shouldn’t be something even worth mentioning, and yet it is. This is the first time I’ve seen a character be gay and not be defined by it, or alternately not be a token put in place to get Ally-Cookies. It’s the first time I’ve seen a gay character written correctly. He’s added in to the story like it isn’t even a big deal, about as simply as any other writer puts in a heterosexual character.

So I just want to say that I’m impressed, and I’m happy. Happy that there’s a character in fiction that is gay, realistically portrayed, and treated as normal.

Writers take note; if you want to write a LGBT character, that is how you do it.

That is One Angry Lesbian

I’ve got quite a few pet peeves when it comes to LGBT issues. I hate the idea that gay men and gay women act and look certain ways. I hate it when people act like the possibility that someone is gay is either a disappointment or disgusting. I hate when people toss the words fag and dyke and tranny around like beads on Mardi Gras.

And I have those little hatreds. They mostly just make me roll my eyes, and sometimes make me correct people who set off those little peeves, but are otherwise small issues.

But then on top of that pile of peeves I’ve got a big damn berserk button. The trigger for that button, however, is rather small; a simple idea that can be compressed into a simple phrase:

“Bisexuals are HOT!”

If you’re like me, perhaps your head just exploded into a geyser of rage at being reminded of this. If not, allow me to explain.

There are women (and I’m sure men, but I have no experience being a male bisexual) who like to pretend to be bisexual. They are straight women. Solely interested in men.

They use my sexuality as a tool to attract men. Now of course, it’s not just my sexuality; it’s the sexuality of many people. Many people who face hatred, fear and discrimination for the crime of being attracted to the same sex.

And there are people who want to pretend to be attracted to the same sex. For attention. Do I have to spell out what is wrong with this? Why it’s so infuriating to see people trivialize all of the shit I have to go through just because I’m not heterosexual? To see people choose to be bisexual for something as petty as special attention, as if sexuality is a choice and the sexuality in question is nothing more than a fetish?

There’s even more nuance to why this is such a rage-trigger for me. Why the hell does a woman being bisexual make them more sexually attractive? It seems that it’s the same reason so many people like to spout things like “LESBIANS ARE HOT!!!”, which also holds a special place in the anger-chamber of my heart. Because, you know, ONE woman is hot, but TWO? And they’re having sex with eachother?! It’s like some sort of two for one deal of sexual objectification; But with purely homosexual lesbians, you get a problem- they’re not going to want to have sex with a guy.

But bisexuals? They’re just lesbians that’ll let you watch them be gay, and then be straight with you! Win-win! You might even get to have a threesome with them!

Sweet evil jesus the rage.

I have so many problems with this. The people who think homosexuality is gross, unless it’s women and then it’s hot. The people who think that just because a woman is gay, she’ll let you watch her have sex with her girlfriend, and if she’s bisexual, she’ll let you join in. As if there’s no such thing as being bisexual and monogamous.

And the biggest problem is when someone graced with the privilege of heterosexuality decides to forgo that privilege, just so they can reinforce those stereotypes.

Being gay is hard. Being bisexual is harder. There are people who think that being bisexual only makes you half gay. There are people who think that bisexuals just can’t make up their mind. Thanks to people pretending to be bisexual, people even get to assume that you’re a fake bisexual too.

And these people are LGBT. Not churches with signs declaring that God hates fags, not people who think that homosexuality causes terrorism, or think that man on man sex leads to man on dog sex. LGBT people.

Being bisexual is hard, and there are people who do it for fun.

It’s like dressing in blackface in the early 1900s, because it sounds like fun. Its like pretending to be a woman to take advantage of female privilege that doesn’t exist.


It’s insulting, it’s wrong, and it makes me want to boil a kitten in a pot of rage.

About Allies

There seems to be a lot of confusion, primarily by people who call themselves allies, about what it means to be an ally to minority groups. It comes up a lot in the Atheist/Skeptic community though (as some people like to consider all Atheists allied, which is not something I could agree with sadly), so I figure it’s probably rather relevant here.

Of course, nobody seems to be able to come to a consensus on what makes an ally an ally. Being one person, I can’t speak for everyone about what makes someone an ally. I can say what makes me consider you an ally though, and what I would consider reasonable requirements for being one.

First and foremost, the one requirement that is usually brought up in argument: You can not determine yourself to be an ally. Whether or not you are an ally depends on whether or not the people you are allied to think you are one. For some reason, people seem to have trouble with this. The typical situation is that one person (usually someone who doesn’t face discrimination themselves, might I add) declares themselves an ally to a minority group. The person then goes on to say something, do something, or otherwise find some way to utterly insult that particular minority group. The “ally” then claims that they are one the same side as the minority group, as if that protects them from any critique. Said minority group proceeds to tear said “ally” a new asshole, usually.  As a rule of thumb, when you’re having to go “nuh uh, I’m on your guys’ side!” to someone, you probably aren’t actually on their side.

Remember, you are an ally to them, not the other way around. You work for them and aid them. Saying that you were an ally all along is about as stupid as blatantly slacking off at work and then getting indignant when your boss confronts you over it. Because you’re a worker, duh, how dare he assume that you weren’t working when your title clearly says that you work!

The second requirement that I want to bring up should be obvious: You have to actually keep the best interests of the group you’re allied to at heart. If you realize that you’ve done something that hurt the group you’re trying to help, that should make you feel bad. You should be compelled to apologize, to try to make things right. If your first reaction is to become angry that they had the gall to stop praising you for your selfless alliance to them, then you never had a goddamned selfless alliance to them. It is okay to be hurt to think that you insulted someone that you try to help, but it is not okay to hurt them back. Doing that means that you don’t actually care how they feel, only how righteous and kind-hearted they make you feel when they praise you. Getting pissy at them not praising you, though, is kinda like me stepping on my dog’s paw, feeling bad when he yelps, and then kicking him across the room because how dare he acknowledge that I hurt him.

This leads into the third requirement which is very often overlooked, I believe: You must be selflessly invested in helping the group you’re allied to. You have to actually realize that being an ally to someone is not just some way to gain an infinite number of brownie points. It’s not a two way deal, really. All you get out of being an ally is the feeling that you’re helping people who need it. You don’t get a free pass for being a jerk to them, or some sort of protection against any form of critique. You don’t get anything. If that’s a dealbreaker for you, you’re not an ally. You’re a leech.

The fourth requirement, with which I move straight from “obvious” to “seriously, this should never be news ever” is this: You can’t actively hurt the group you’re allied to. That should be brain-meltingly obvious, but it seems to be overlooked.

Imagine that instead of defending your group from bias and hatred, you’re actually battling with them in a war or something. Now, you should be shooting at their enemies. This is what it means to be on the same side.

For some reason, though, some people with a so-called alliance to one side of a battle take a liking to gunning down that side’s own god damned troops. If the battles of equality and prejudice were a physical war, nobody would have a problem with people calling the guy who makes a hobby out of friendly fire a traitor. But since there isn’t a battlefield, people don’t seem to see the similarity between shooting at your own troops, and actively making homophobic comments when being allied to LGBT people, or saying something misogynistic when claiming to be a feminist, or racist when claiming to be against racism, etc. ad infinitum.

There is a similarity though, and just like you should take the gun away from someone who shoots at people they call their friends, so should we take the title of “ally” away from someone who uses it in this way.

Now, this is all my own opinion of what constitutes an ally. That said, I would consider these four requirements relatively uncontroversial (except to people who wouldn’t be an ally by this list- I’m sure they’ll be furious) and pretty basic guidelines for how to not be a shit ally. If you really want to try to be an ally to some person or group and not be called a fraud, this list would probably be good to keep in mind.